Jeneva Rose’s “The Girl I Was” presents a fascinating exploration of self-acceptance wrapped in the fantastical premise of time travel. This emotionally charged novel follows Alexis Spencer, a thirty-something woman drowning in disappointment and blame, who finds herself mysteriously transported back to her college years in 2002. What begins as an apparent fantasy fulfillment quickly evolves into something far more profound—a meditation on grief, personal responsibility, and the complex relationship we have with our past selves.
The story’s premise is deceptively simple yet brilliantly executed. After losing both her job and her relationship on the same devastating day, Alexis drowns her sorrows in a bottle of vodka from her college days, only to wake up in her eighteen-year-old body alongside her younger self, Lexi. Rose skillfully uses this supernatural element not as an escape mechanism, but as a vehicle for deep psychological exploration.
Character Development: The Two Sides of a Broken Mirror
The genius of Rose’s characterization lies in her portrayal of Alexis and Lexi as two distinct personalities sharing the same identity. Present-day Alexis is bitter, cynical, and trapped in a cycle of self-pity, constantly blaming her younger self for every poor decision that led to her current misery. She sees Lexi as selfish, irresponsible, and the architect of her downfall.
Conversely, Lexi embodies all the hope, spontaneity, and fearlessness that Alexis has lost. Though she parties too much and makes questionable choices, Lexi possesses an optimistic spirit that Alexis desperately needs to rediscover. Rose masterfully demonstrates how our perception of our past selves often becomes distorted through the lens of disappointment and regret.
The dynamic between these two versions creates compelling internal conflict. Their initial antagonism—complete with physical fights and bitter arguments—reflects the very real struggle many people face when confronting their past mistakes. Rose’s decision to literalize this internal dialogue by creating two separate characters is both creative and psychologically astute.
Exploring Grief and Unresolved Trauma
Perhaps the most powerful aspect of “The Girl I Was” is its unflinching examination of grief and how unprocessed trauma shapes our life trajectory. The death of Alexis and Lexi’s mother during college serves as the emotional core of the narrative. Rose draws from her own experience of losing her mother while in college, bringing authentic emotional weight to these scenes.
The Thanksgiving sequences are particularly heartbreaking, as Alexis gets to see her mother one last time, knowing she cannot change the inevitable. These moments showcase Rose’s ability to balance fantasy elements with genuine emotional truth. The scenes feel raw and real, despite the impossible circumstances, because they capture the universal desire to have one more conversation with a lost loved one.
The novel suggests that Alexis’s current struggles stem not just from poor college decisions, but from her inability to properly grieve her mother’s death. Her present-day cynicism and self-sabotage patterns can be traced back to this unresolved trauma, making her journey of self-forgiveness all the more meaningful.
Romance and Relationship Dynamics
The romantic subplot with Andrew provides both motivation and resolution for Alexis’s character arc. Rose avoids the typical “fix everything with love” trope by making clear that Alexis must first learn to love herself before she can successfully love another. The revelation that Andrew was planning to propose before their breakup adds poignancy to her journey, but the novel wisely focuses on internal growth rather than external rewards.
The friendship dynamics with Katie, Nikki, and Claire serve multiple purposes in the narrative. They represent the connections Alexis has lost through her own self-destructive behavior, while also showing how relationships can be rebuilt when we approach them with honesty and vulnerability. The updated versions of these friendships in the transformed timeline feel earned rather than magically bestowed.
Writing Style and Narrative Technique
Rose employs a dual perspective that alternates between Alexis and Lexi, allowing readers to experience both sides of this internal conflict. The writing style mirrors each character’s personality—Alexis’s chapters tend toward introspection and self-criticism, while Lexi’s sections bubble with energy and optimism. This stylistic choice reinforces the thematic content while keeping the narrative engaging.
The author’s use of early 2000s cultural references feels authentic rather than forced, creating a genuine sense of nostalgia without overwhelming the emotional core of the story. From iPods to low-rise jeans, these details ground the time-travel elements in recognizable reality.
Rose’s prose strikes an effective balance between accessibility and emotional depth. She doesn’t shy away from difficult emotions or complex psychological concepts, but presents them in language that feels natural and relatable. The dialogue, particularly between Alexis and Lexi, crackles with tension and authenticity.
Thematic Resonance and Universal Appeal
While the time-travel concept might seem purely fantastical, Rose uses it to explore deeply relatable themes. Most readers will recognize the tendency to blame past versions of themselves for current difficulties, or the wish to go back and make different choices. The novel suggests that true growth comes not from changing the past, but from accepting it and choosing to move forward differently.
The theme of self-forgiveness runs throughout the narrative, culminating in Alexis’s realization that she must stop punishing herself for past mistakes. This message feels particularly relevant in an era when many people struggle with perfectionism and self-criticism. Rose demonstrates that healing requires acknowledging our past selves with compassion rather than contempt.
Areas for Critical Consideration
While “The Girl I Was” succeeds in most areas, some elements feel less fully developed. The time-travel mechanics remain deliberately vague, which serves the story’s emotional focus but may frustrate readers seeking logical consistency. Additionally, some supporting characters, particularly in the college setting, feel somewhat archetypal rather than fully realized individuals.
The resolution, while emotionally satisfying, does lean toward wish fulfillment in ways that might strain credibility. The perfectly improved timeline where all relationships are healed and career goals achieved feels perhaps too neat, though it serves the novel’s optimistic message about the power of self-acceptance.
The pacing occasionally suffers in the middle sections, where the repetitive nature of college life and the back-and-forth between the two main characters can feel somewhat circular. However, this mirrors the real-life experience of working through psychological issues, which rarely follow a linear progression.
Place in Contemporary Women’s Fiction
“The Girl I Was” fits comfortably within the contemporary women’s fiction genre while offering something distinctive through its supernatural elements. It shares DNA with novels like “Maybe in Another Life” and “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo” by Taylor Jenkins Reid, but Rose’s focus on self-reconciliation rather than romance or career success gives it a unique perspective.
The novel also functions as a coming-of-age story in reverse, showing how growth can happen at any age when we’re willing to confront our past honestly. This message feels particularly relevant for millennial readers who may be experiencing similar quarter-life or mid-life reckonings.
Author’s Evolution and Context
As Rose’s debut novel, “The Girl I Was” demonstrates remarkable emotional maturity and narrative control. Readers familiar with her later thriller works might be surprised by the gentler tone here, but the underlying skill with character development and emotional authenticity remains consistent. This early work shows her ability to handle complex themes with sensitivity while maintaining narrative momentum.
The novel’s exploration of grief clearly draws from Rose’s personal experience, and this authenticity elevates the material beyond typical genre fiction. The author’s willingness to be vulnerable about her own loss creates space for readers to process their own complicated relationships with the past.
Comparative Reading
Readers who enjoyed “The Girl I Was” might appreciate:
- “The Midnight Library” by Matt Haig – Another exploration of alternate life paths and self-acceptance
- “Beach Read” by Emily Henry – For its blend of romance and personal growth
- “The Seven Moons of Maali Almeida” by Shehan Karunatilaka – Another supernatural take on second chances
- “Lessons in Chemistry” by Bonnie Garmus – For its examination of how past decisions shape present circumstances
- “The Time Traveler’s Wife” by Audrey Niffenegger – For its emotional approach to time travel
Final Verdict: A Heartfelt Exploration of Self-Compassion
“The Girl I Was” succeeds as both an entertaining fantasy and a meaningful exploration of personal growth. While it may not achieve the literary heights of more established authors, Rose demonstrates a clear understanding of human psychology and the complexities of self-forgiveness. The novel’s central message—that we must learn to love all versions of ourselves, even the flawed ones—resonates long after the final page.
The book works best when viewed as an extended metaphor for therapy and self-reflection rather than a strict science fiction narrative. Rose has created a story that gives readers permission to forgive their past selves while inspiring them to make better choices moving forward.
For readers seeking an emotionally engaging story about second chances, “The Girl I Was” delivers genuine moments of insight wrapped in an accessible, entertaining package. It’s a novel that trusts its readers to understand that sometimes the most important journey we can take is the one that leads us back to ourselves—with a little more compassion this time around.