In a world where relationships often feel more fragile than ever, Diego Perez—writing under the pen name Yung Pueblo—offers a profound exploration of love that begins not with finding the perfect partner, but with the radical act of turning inward. “How to Love Better” serves as both a mirror and a roadmap, challenging readers to examine how their own emotional landscape shapes every relationship they enter.
This isn’t another surface-level relationship guide filled with quick fixes or communication tricks. Instead, Yung Pueblo presents love as a practice that demands courage, vulnerability, and an unflinching commitment to personal growth. The book’s central premise—that the quality of our relationships directly reflects our relationship with ourselves—runs like a golden thread through every chapter, weaving together practical wisdom with deeply personal insights drawn from the author’s own twelve-year meditation journey.
A Personal Testament to Transformation
What sets this book apart from countless other relationship guides is its authenticity. Yung Pueblo doesn’t write from an ivory tower of relationship perfection. Instead, he candidly shares his own tumultuous early relationship with his wife Sara, painting a raw picture of two people who felt an undeniable connection but lacked the emotional tools to nurture it. Their story of moving from “swimming between short-lived calmness and awful storms” to creating genuine harmony provides the book’s emotional backbone.
The author’s vulnerability in describing his past struggles with anxiety, substance abuse, and reactive patterns creates an immediate sense of connection with readers who may see their own struggles reflected in his words. This personal foundation gives weight to his subsequent teachings about meditation, self-awareness, and the patient work of untangling destructive emotional patterns.
The Architecture of Love
Yung Pueblo structures his exploration around three foundational qualities that he identifies as essential for loving better: kindness, growth, and compassion. This isn’t mere philosophical speculation—these qualities emerge from lived experience and careful observation of what actually creates thriving relationships.
The book’s examination of kindness goes far beyond simple politeness. The author argues that kindness becomes a radical act when extended consistently, especially during moments of conflict. He writes with particular insight about how we often give our partners “the hardest parts of ourselves” while reserving our best behavior for strangers and acquaintances. This observation alone could transform how many readers approach their closest relationships.
Perhaps most challenging is the book’s emphasis on growth as non-negotiable for healthy relationships. Yung Pueblo doesn’t shy away from the uncomfortable truth that love requires us to evolve beyond our comfort zones. He presents relationships as mirrors that reveal our unhealed places, and argues that embracing this revelatory function—rather than resisting it—becomes the pathway to deeper intimacy.
The Meditation Connection
The author’s meditation practice serves as more than personal backdrop—it provides the book’s methodological foundation. Through twelve years of serious Vipassana meditation, including over twelve thousand hours of practice, Yung Pueblo developed the inner stability that transformed his relationships. However, he avoids presenting meditation as the only path to growth, acknowledging that different people require different healing modalities.
This inclusive approach strengthens the book’s accessibility. While meditation clearly works for the author, he consistently emphasizes that therapy, journaling, somatic work, and other practices can achieve similar results. The goal isn’t to recruit everyone to meditation cushions, but to inspire commitment to whatever form of inner work resonates most authentically.
Practical Wisdom for Real Relationships
The book’s most valuable sections focus on practical relationship skills that many couples never learn. The chapter on “preventive communication” offers a simple yet powerful tool: regularly checking in about emotional states to prevent misunderstandings from escalating into unnecessary conflicts. This practice emerged from the author’s own pandemic experience of living in close quarters with his wife, where they discovered how unacknowledged mood shifts could trigger baseless arguments.
Similarly, the discussion of “voluntary commitments” provides an alternative to the controlling dynamics that poison many relationships. Instead of demanding changes from partners, Yung Pueblo suggests clearly expressing needs and allowing partners to voluntarily commit to meeting them. This approach preserves individual agency while creating clear expectations—a delicate balance that many relationship guides fail to achieve.
The book’s treatment of conflict deserves particular praise. Rather than avoiding disagreement or viewing it as relationship failure, the author presents arguments as opportunities for deeper understanding. His framework for “selfless listening” and maintaining curiosity during conflicts offers hope for couples trapped in reactive cycles.
Areas for Growth
While “How to Love Better” offers profound insights, it isn’t without limitations. The book’s heavy emphasis on inner work, while valuable, may leave some readers craving more concrete guidance for specific relationship challenges. Issues like financial stress, parenting conflicts, or career pressures receive minimal attention compared to the extensive focus on emotional patterns and meditation.
Additionally, the author’s privileged position—having the time and resources for extensive meditation retreats—isn’t accessible to everyone. While he acknowledges this limitation, the book could benefit from more guidance for people facing economic constraints or other barriers to intensive inner work.
The writing occasionally veers toward repetitive territory, particularly in later chapters where core concepts get restated without significant new insights. Some readers may find themselves wishing for more diverse examples beyond the author’s own relationship, though the personal focus also provides the book’s emotional power.
A Comparison to Similar Works
“How to Love Better” fits within the growing genre of spiritually-informed relationship guidance, alongside works like “Conscious Loving” by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks and “Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix. However, Yung Pueblo’s Buddhist-influenced approach offers a distinct perspective that emphasizes impermanence and non-attachment in ways that Western psychology often overlooks.
Building on his previous works in the Inward Trilogy—”Inward,” “Clarity & Connection,” and “Lighter”—this book represents the natural evolution of his thinking from individual healing toward relational application. Readers familiar with his earlier poetry and reflections will recognize the same gentle wisdom, now applied specifically to the complexities of partnership.
The Healing Generation’s Love Revolution
Perhaps the book’s most inspiring aspect is its vision of what the author calls the “healing generation”—millions of people worldwide who are actively working to break cycles of trauma and dysfunction. This isn’t just individual work; it represents a collective shift toward healthier relationship patterns that could benefit future generations.
This broader perspective elevates the book beyond mere self-help into something approaching social commentary. When individuals heal their emotional patterns, they stop passing trauma to their children. When couples learn to communicate without reactivity, they model healthy conflict resolution. These ripple effects suggest that learning to love better becomes an act of service to the world.
Recommended Reading for Similar Journeys
For readers drawn to this book’s approach, several complementary works deserve consideration:
- “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman – Offers research-based relationship tools
- “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson – Explores attachment theory in relationships
- “Waking Up” by Sam Harris – Provides secular meditation guidance
- “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk – Examines trauma’s impact on relationships
- “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg – Teaches compassionate dialogue skills
Final Reflection
“How to Love Better” succeeds because it asks hard questions and provides honest answers. In a culture obsessed with finding the “right” person, Yung Pueblo argues for becoming the right person—someone capable of showing up authentically, communicating clearly, and embracing growth even when it’s uncomfortable.
The book won’t appeal to readers seeking quick relationship fixes or those uncomfortable with spiritual concepts. However, for individuals ready to examine their own emotional patterns and commit to the patient work of inner development, it offers a compelling roadmap toward more fulfilling relationships.
Ultimately, this book serves as both invitation and challenge: an invitation to see love as a practice rather than just a feeling, and a challenge to do the inner work that makes authentic intimacy possible. In a world hungry for genuine connection, such guidance feels both timely and essential.