In Dolly Alderton’s remarkably candid memoir, Everything I Know About Love, readers are invited to witness the stumbles, triumphs, and revelations of a young woman navigating the treacherous path from adolescence to actual adulthood. Published in 2018, this book feels like reading the unfiltered diary of your wittiest friend—one who isn’t afraid to document her most mortifying moments and profound reflections with equal parts self-deprecation and wisdom.
As I turned each page, I found myself alternately cringing, laughing, and nodding in recognition at Alderton’s experiences. Her voice is distinct and refreshing—a mix of sharp observational humor and raw vulnerability that makes even her most embarrassing anecdotes feel endearing rather than exhibitionist. This isn’t just another “single girl in the city” tale; it’s a profound meditation on friendship, self-worth, and the painful process of growing into oneself.
From AOL Messenger to Existential Crisis: A Millennial Coming-of-Age Story
Alderton structures her memoir chronologically, beginning with her suburban adolescence spent obsessing over boys on MSN Messenger and documenting her journey through university debauchery, chaotic house-shares, and the slow, often painful process of self-discovery in her late twenties.
What makes this narrative particularly compelling is Alderton’s unflinching honesty. She doesn’t glamorize her wild years or paint her mistakes as charming quirks. Instead, she examines them with the clarity of hindsight, acknowledging both the fun and the underlying emptiness of her party-girl persona:
“I always remembered something Hicks told me as we lay in bed under the fairy lights of her student room twinkling around her window. ‘One day we will sit in a nursing home, Dolly, bored out of our minds and staring at the quilt on our laps,’ she said. ‘And all we will have to make us smile are these memories.'”
But as the memoir progresses, Alderton thoughtfully interrogates this philosophy, questioning whether collecting wild experiences was truly about building a reservoir of memories or simply avoiding confronting deeper issues.
More Than Boy Troubles: The True Heart of the Memoir
While romantic misadventures feature prominently in the book—from teenage MSN flirtations to disastrous Tinder dates—the true emotional core of Everything I Know About Love lies in Alderton’s female friendships, particularly her relationship with her best friend Farly.
Their two-decade friendship forms the backbone of the narrative, providing stability amid the chaos of failed romances and identity crises. In one particularly moving passage, Alderton realizes:
“You’re too hard on yourself,” she said. “You can do long-term love. You’ve done it better than anyone I know.”
“How? My longest relationship was two years and that was over when I was twenty-four.”
“I’m talking about you and me,” she said.
This revelation—that perhaps the most significant love story of her life was her friendship with Farly—represents the book’s emotional climax and its most profound insight. Alderton elegantly demonstrates how female friendship can be as complex, rewarding, and enduring as any romantic relationship, if not more so.
Stylistic Flair: Between Raw Honesty and Crafted Narrative
Alderton’s writing style is conversational yet precise, with a gift for capturing both the excruciating minutiae of social embarrassment and profound emotional truths. The memoir is creatively structured, interspersing traditional narrative with:
- “The Bad Date Diaries” – Hilarious vignettes of romantic disasters
- “The Bad Party Chronicles” – Equally entertaining accounts of social catastrophes
- “Recipes” – Including aptly named creations like “Hangover Mac and Cheese”
- Satirical emails and lists – Such as “Twenty-eight Lessons Learnt in Twenty-eight Years”
These elements break up the narrative and showcase Alderton’s versatility as a writer, though occasionally they feel like cleverness for cleverness’s sake, interrupting rather than enhancing the emotional flow.
Strengths and Shortcomings: A Balanced Assessment
What Makes This Memoir Shine:
- Authenticity: Alderton’s willingness to expose her insecurities and mistakes creates an immediate connection with readers.
- Emotional intelligence: Her ability to analyze her own patterns and growth demonstrates remarkable self-awareness.
- Cultural specificity: The memoir perfectly captures a particular millennial experience—growing up with MSN Messenger, navigating the early days of Facebook and online dating.
- Its celebration of female friendship: The portrayal of women supporting each other through life’s messiness offers a refreshing counternarrative to stories centered solely on romantic love.
Where It Occasionally Falters:
- Class and privilege: While Alderton acknowledges her middle-class background, there’s limited reflection on how her economic safety net enabled her extended adolescence.
- Limited perspective: The memoir is firmly rooted in a heteronormative, white, middle-class experience that may not resonate with all readers.
- Sometimes excessive self-deprecation: Occasionally, Alderton leans too heavily on self-mockery, using it as a shield against deeper vulnerability.
- Structural inconsistency: The vignettes and lists sometimes feel like padding rather than essential components of the narrative.
The Emotional Journey: From External Validation to Self-Acceptance
What elevates this memoir above similar offerings is Alderton’s psychological evolution. We witness her journey from seeking validation through male attention and wild experiences to finding genuine self-acceptance:
“Because I am enough. My heart is enough. The stories and the sentences twisting around my mind are enough. I am fizzing and frothing and buzzing and exploding. I’m bubbling over and burning up. My early-morning walks and my late-night baths are enough. My loud laugh at the pub is enough.”
This hard-won realization forms the emotional core of the memoir. Alderton’s transformation isn’t portrayed as an inspirational before-and-after story but as a messy, non-linear process with setbacks and breakthroughs—much like real personal growth.
Comparisons and Context
Alderton’s memoir, Everything I Know About Love, inevitably draws comparisons to other female-authored works of personal narrative:
- It has the frank discussion of sex and relationships found in Candace Bushnell’s Sex and the City columns, but with greater emotional depth
- It shares themes with Nora Ephron’s personal essays but filtered through a distinctly millennial lens
- It contains the self-deprecating humor of Bridget Jones, but with the crucial difference of being non-fiction
As Alderton’s debut, the book established her voice as a leading chronicler of contemporary womanhood, paving the way for her subsequent novel Ghosts (2020) and her work as podcast host of “The High Low.”
Verdict: A Flawed But Captivating Coming-of-Age Tale
Everything I Know About Love is not perfect—it occasionally meanders, sometimes tries too hard to be clever, and doesn’t always dig as deep as it could. Yet these flaws mirror the imperfect journey of growing up that Alderton chronicles so vividly.
At its best, this memoir captures the beautiful messiness of female friendship, the painful process of learning to be comfortable in one’s own skin, and the particular challenges of forming an adult identity in the age of social media and dating apps. Alderton’s voice is fresh, her insights genuine, and her storytelling compelling.
For readers who have stumbled through their twenties wondering when they’ll finally feel like “real” adults, or who have valued their friendships as life’s most sustaining relationships, this memoir will resonate deeply. It’s a book that makes you want to text your best friend immediately—not just to recommend it, but to tell them how much they mean to you. And perhaps that’s the highest praise a memoir about friendship could receive.